Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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