I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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