He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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