Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
