At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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