I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
