Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
