i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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