Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
