I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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