Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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