I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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