Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Houston, we have a blender
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
