I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
