Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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