I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
