did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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