and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
