Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
