I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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