i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
3pm strippers are depressing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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