Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
