just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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