before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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