His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
