I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
