Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this hospital has no fireball
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
