now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
