I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
