if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
