a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
