How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
