So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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