Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
