On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
