so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
