Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
