can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
