we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Alive.
So much puke
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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