Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
