i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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