I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
