Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
