Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
