ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just google imaged poop.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
