The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
