while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
