My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
