ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Drunk is a universal language darling
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