I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
