My nipple is on Facebook.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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